Parental Control...

Strange sense of panic, mad desire to clean, dust and polish, custard creams on standby... can only mean one thing. The parents are coming to visit. At 7am (urgh) tomorrow morning they shall be making their way from the North to the South courtesy of Richard Branson and his tilting trains to see me for the second time since I moved here 18 months ago. I'm not offended by their reluctance to visit, in fact, its much easier if I go to see them. The hassle of asking them to do anything that involves veering from the usual routine is enough to cause even me, the generally most laid back person you can meet, to be pushed the the brink of sanity. Not only that but my Dad is affectionately and accurately known as "Calamity Tony".... if there is an accident to be had, he will find it. Typical British worry-warts, they love nothing more than to stress over the smallthings- trust me, if the ironing isn't done by 9am then it's practicallyWW3. To imagine them, think of the pairing of Hyacinth Bucket and FrankSpencer. Enough said.

So it's now less than 24 hours until they arrive and my palms are sweatywith the thought of the housework I have to do tonight to avoiddisapproving looks and have them dust the crumbs off the sofa before theysit down. Don't get me wrong, I am not completely devoid of thehouse-proud gene but with a full time job, trying to start a writingcareer, a wedding to plan and two new kittens- it just gets put to the backof the to do list. I don't mind if shoes are not put away, the tomatoketchup stays on the table for a couple of days or if the ironing waitspatiently for two weeks to be done. This "laissez faire" attitude howeverdoes not go down well with Ma and Pa- in fact, they are so concerned at myapparent lack of hygiene (must stress, this is completely over the top),that they actually bring their own glasses to drink from. In fact, I justhad a phone to call to ask me if I have any apples in the house and when Isaid yes, the response was "Well, we'll bring our own anyway....".Hilarious.I have activities planned for them which include a trip to Windsor (justabout high brow enough for Hyacinth) and a walk up to Primrose Hill (hopingthat Frank doesn't tumble), plus, cuddle time for the real reason they arevisiting- the kittens. Wish me luck!